I saw myself in you and I loved you blindly I made the music of Ray Charles.But you see, you changeYou change with the got damn timeEvery second, every minuteevery hour, every day, every week every month every yearevery decade every centuryevery thousand years, every millennium you changeand baby I'm here to tell you I am tired of changing who I am to fit who you are. You-- you constantly change and I am tired of the changes because baby it's driving me crazy I can't keep up.And frankly I don't want to I love who I am and no matter what you want me to be I'm satisfied.I am all I want to be. Your changes started to make me doubt who I am until I realized it wasn't me it was you it was you always you. Always confused, confusing made me question who I was I got tired of controlling myself to fit in your box. And once I realize that I'm bigger than that got damn box that's when I started to love myself.I am not your piece of dough that you can just stretch, and pull and break and toss and roll and smash and demolish.
I am beautiful, and I am complex and I deserve the room to grow and thrive and prosper, but I can't do that with you.And I finally have the strength to say goodbye I separated myself from your ever, ever changing existence.
EJ's Corner
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
27 Seconds
A 27 second dream deferred
Starts out in the mind
Detoured from reality
Killed by the dream killer
Never brought to life to be
Exposed to the world
The idea killed by its own creator
Before anyone knew
fear, self esteem, pride and hope
All knew before hand
This 27 second dream
could have been the thought that saved someones life
Who knows
It could have been the cure to cancer
The answer to end poverty
The solution to end pollution
The power to save the financial crisis
real answers to real problems
27 seconds has changed my life and can change yours too
27 seconds tick tock going away
This 27 second dream could have been yours or mine
25,26,27
27 seconds tick tick going away
Starts out in the mind
Detoured from reality
Killed by the dream killer
Never brought to life to be
Exposed to the world
The idea killed by its own creator
Before anyone knew
fear, self esteem, pride and hope
All knew before hand
This 27 second dream
could have been the thought that saved someones life
Who knows
It could have been the cure to cancer
The answer to end poverty
The solution to end pollution
The power to save the financial crisis
real answers to real problems
27 seconds has changed my life and can change yours too
27 seconds tick tock going away
This 27 second dream could have been yours or mine
25,26,27
27 seconds tick tick going away
Monday, January 26, 2015
Miraculis
Miraculis
Appreciating the difference between progress and failure
Always striving forward to complete a goal
Habens realistica
visum de intinere venturo (having a realistic view of the journey ahead)
Having confidence that radiates the room
Embracing every possibility by discovering your passion
Nescis vires esse
trahens intra (drawing strength from within that you didn’t know you had)
Standing for what you believe in even if it means standing
alone
Finding yourself and keeping firm faith
Credentes in miraculis
(believing in miracles)
Credentes in teipso
(believing in yourself)
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Book Release!!!!
I am pleased to announce that my book A Ray of Hope was officially released yesterday!!! I will have my website up and running next week hopefully. The book can be purchased through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Archway Publishing or through me. I will be updating periodically with tour dates, interviews and book signings! Thank you for your support.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Great Gatsby- English Paper
Wealth, Women and Power: Winning in The Great
Gatsby
Winning is often associated with sports
competition and political races, winning a reward or prize that leads to some
sense of self-fulfillment in the end. Not only does self- fulfillment and
winning apply in sports and/or politics it applies but also in the game of
life. Those who are competitive in the game of life, like athletes are driven
to win, some want to win at any cost. The
Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is focused on New York’s wealthy
society in the heart of Long Island, set in the roaring 1920’s, a period known
as the “Jazz Age”. The “Jazz Age” was a period of power, wealth and youthful
high spirits, occurring before the Great Depression and centered around the
love of music—jazz music. During the “Jazz
Age”, people were obsessed with making and spending money; this period was
filled with corruption, lust, promiscuity and lavish parties. Socially, there
were many winners and losers. A winner is someone who leaves a situation with
what can be conceived as a better outcome than others. Further, winning can be
associated with obtaining results that are in a persons own best interest. Likewise
a win-win is in the interest of both self and some other(s). Winners are often considered
moral, upstanding people, people like winners. Yet winners can also be morally
bankrupt and corrupt people with harmful intentions, often achieving their victories
or sense of fulfillment at the expense of others.
In
The Great Gatsby, Tom Buchanan, can be considered a winner, because he
only seeks what is in his own best interest, withdrawing back into his
sheltered lifestyle with no consequences, never losing or placing at risk anything
that cannot be replaced. Throughout the novel, Tom Buchanan is
viewed as a symbol of power because of his aggressive and combative nature. Fitzgerald
describes him as having “[t]wo arrogant eyes [that] [establish] dominance over
[Tom’s] face and [gives] [Tom] the appearance of always leaning aggressively
forward” (Fitzgerald 7). Tom upholds an absolute conviction founded on the
belief, because he was born into wealth, he is entitled to having a certain
kind of lifestyle and to this point he is portrayed as arrogant. Tom exudes a
shallow and superficial demeanor that others cling to because he portrays himself
to be powerful. While at lunch with Nick Carraway, Tom mentions a book that he
has read called ‘The Rise of Colored Empires’ where he has adopted several scientific
opinions that reveal his narrow minded mentality. Both Tom’s arrogance and dominant overbearing
opinions have allowed him to advance farther in life than many others. While
conversing with Nick Carraway, Jordan Baker and Daisy Buchanan, Tom states, “[i]t’s
up to us, who are the dominant race, to watch out or these races will have
control of things” (Fitzgerald 13). Tom supports his position by stating, “[i]t’s
all scientific stuff, it’s been proved” (Fitzgerald 13).
Tom’s concern that Whites remain the
more dominant race and should fight to block any person who does not have the
same ethnicity as him, demonstrates both his racism and his self-centeredness. Writing
about Tom’s character, Richard D. Lehan in “Civilizations Going to Pieces: Tom
Buchanan” states, “Tom takes great pride in modern science and progress, can
never understand the state of mind that this kind of mentality has replaced, is
scornful of the distant past, and cancels all other cultures in the name of
Nordic superiority” (Lehan “Civilizations” 1). As he lacks exposure to other
cultures outside of his own, Tom takes these ideas straight out of the book
without any opinions of his own. Tom often makes up for his lack of knowledge or
invalid opinions through how he displays himself to others. In a matter-of-fact
tone, Lehan argues “[Tom] is not only a man of powerful build and commanding
presence, but he exudes a kind of authority as he ushers people about as well
forcing moral pronouncements upon them”; through Tom’s combative nature he is
able to reap any result he desires out of life.
Tom, who is often referred to as the adolescent and only known
for his athletic ability and his family’s wealth, is often persuasive and taken
seriously as man of power by his circle of piers. Richard Lehan in “Careless Driving: Nick Carraway” points out,
“Tom whose vast fortunes feeds into a sense of power that allows him to use
people like things for his own well-being” (Lehan “Careless” 2). In short, Tom
is a predator, preying on those who are insecure and want to fit in. Tom
develops a relationship with Myrtle Wilson his mistress. Tom’s desire to
dominate someone else is what gives him confidence and a false sense of winning
or self-fulfillment. Like Tom, Myrtle also lacks confidence and is very insecure
only finding Tom appealing for what he can provide her with (i.e. money,
improving her status, validation). They are both married and unhappy in their respective
marriages because there is a lack of fulfillment that they seek. While staying
in Myrtle’s New York apartment, that Tom bought, they quarreled about whether
Myrtle had the right to speak Daisy’s name in front of Tom. Tom’s combative
nature and short temper over took him and “[m]aking a short deft movement, Tom
Buchanan broke [Myrtle’s] nose with his open hand” (Fitzgerald 37). When Tom
wants to win or get his way in life, he will often resort to any measure
including aggression and violence. His instincts to do so have allowed him to
propel forward in life as a winner because others are often intimidated by his
dominating behavior. In short, Tom is a bully.
Like most married men that commit
adultery, Tom finds himself forced to choose between his wife and his mistress.
On this subject, Lehan writes, “[w]hen [Tom] finds himself on the verge of
losing both his wife and mistress, he becomes panicky, but the situation proves
to be one that he can manage” (Lehan “Civilizations” 1). Even though Tom finds
himself in a wedge and forced to make a decision, he prevails and gets through
a tough challenge to keep his lifestyle intact. Although Tom’s authority is
challenged, his manipulative ways allow him to still be successful in making
decisions that benefit himself. In
desperation to win his wife’s heart, Tom informs Daisy of all the corruption
Jay Gatsby is involved in, and how he makes his money, this shows his
replenishable instinct to win. Tom knows the weakness of his opponents and is
able to use that to his advantage to win. In many ways, Gatsby and Tom are
similar in that “[b]oth caricature Fitzgerald’s own experience- his own sense
of combat: the dreamer in conflict with a rigid reality; the promises of youth
in conflict with the ravages of time; and the man of suspect means in conflict
the established wealth” (Lehan “Careless People” 6).
Tom is magnified as the symbol of power
through his strategic and manipulative ways. To this point James E. Miller, Jr.
in “Fitzgerald’s Gatsby: The World As
Ash Heap” describes Tom as “the most sinister character in The Great Gatsby, as [Tom] seems to typify the American business
man (man of power) who remains perpetually adolescent intellectually” (Miller
1). In a contemptuous tone Miller explains that Tom is viewed as a power symbol
because of his sinister transparent personality. Miller goes on to portray Tom
as a sheltered man protected from the realism of the world because “[t]here is
no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind” (Fitzgerald 125). Although
Tom is, wealthy he lacks knowledge and wisdom because he lacks real world
exposure.
In comparison to other characters in the
novel, Tom as a result of his drive to win and lack of moral standards, reaps
more out of life—often without consequences,. Towards the end of the novel,
Nick Carraway talks about how “[t]hey were careless people, Tom and Daisy-they
smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or
vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other
people clean up the mess they made” (Fitzgerald 179). On this point, Lehan writes
“Gatsby, Myrtle, and George all die as sacrificial victims so that the Buchanan’s
way of life can go on, their sense of superiority can be sustained, and their
arrogance can remain inviolate” (Lehan “Careless” People 7) Tom nor Daisy lost
anything that could not be replaced as a result of their reckless behavior. And
The Buchanan’s felt no moral or social obligation to pay their respects;
instead they both abruptly left without a trace. Tom’s dominant and aggressive
behavior has strongly impacted the way Daisy thinks. Making Daisy dependent on
Tom as a result of Tom’s overpowering influence.
Tom demonstrates that all winners are
not always ethically or morally centered; they do not always play fair or treat
others with respect. Despite the tough challenges of life, Tom has a goal and
he acts on fulfilling that purpose no matter the cost. Tom Buchanan is both
careless and reckless, demonstrating a consistent lack of respect for others.
His aggressive, malicious and combative nature makes him a competitive guy and
ultimately the winner in the end. Tom does not lose anyone or anything that cannot
be replaced, and despite all the damage he has done he is able to withdraw back
into his sheltered lifestyle without any consequences. Tom Buchanan is the
winner for he was able to get the most fulfillment out of life with the least
amount of pain. We learn that through Tom Buchanan’s interactions with others he
is deceiving and out for his own self-betterment, equipping him as the winner
because he is selfish.
Works Cited
Fitzgerald,
F.Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Scribner, 2004. Print.
Lehan, Richard Daniel.
“Careless Driving: Nick Carraway.” The Great Gatsby: The Limits of
Wonder. Boston: Twayne
Publishers,1990. 98-110. Twayne’s Masterwork Studies 36.
Twayne’s Authors on GVRL. Web. 30 Jan. 2014.
---. “Careless People:
Daisy Fay.” The Great Gatsby: The Limits of Wonder.
Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1990. 67-79.
Twayne’s Masterwork Studies 36. Twayne’s
Authors on GVRL. Web. 27 Jan.2014.
---. “Civilization’s Going to Pieces: Tom Buchanan.” The
Great Gatsby: The Limits of
Wonder. Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1990. 80-90. Twayne’s Masterwork Studies
36. Twayne’s Authors on GVRL. Web. 27 Jan. 2014.
Miller, James E., Jr.
“Fitzgerald’s Gatsby: The World As Ash Heap.” EXPLORING Novels.
Detroit: Gale, 2003. Student
Resources in Context. Web. 28 Jan. 2014.
Ode to Leaders- with latin translation
Ode to Leaders
Throughout
the course of time
Living
every moment of your life bold,
surrounded
by grief and pain
on all
sides. Rejecting darkness and
being a
source of light.
For
people who sing their own song
and march
to the beat of their own drum
have
truly embraced what it is to be unique
Thus
being safe in this fervid world
Carmen Dux
Per
cursum temporis
Vivere omni
tempore vestrae vitae
Cum audāciā, circumventa angore doloreque
Undique
spernere obscūrum atque
esse fons
lūcis
nam
populous qui carmen suum cantat
et incēdit pro nūmero tympani sui
vero
amplexus est quod est singularis
ita
habens salute in hoc insano mundo
Will - with Latin Translation
Will
I have
captivated my fear
Set free
from the pain of my past
Through
hope for a better future
I will no
longer hand over my life to anyone
I have
untied myself from the bondages of fear
Looking
with confidence up ahead
This is an ode to myself
For I
have decided to defeat
The enemy
of fear
Testāmentum
Ego capiō meum metum
Liberata ā dolore, praeteritorum meorum
Per spem
ad melius futurum
Ego non
iam mandabit meam vitam quiquam
Ego solvī me a vinculis metus
Spectans
cum confidential prorsus
Hoc est
Carmen mihi
Nam ego
constitui superare
Hostem
metus
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