Time

I saw myself in you and I loved you blindly I made the music of Ray Charles.But you see, you changeYou change with the got damn timeEvery second, every minuteevery hour, every day, every week every month every yearevery decade every centuryevery thousand years, every millennium you changeand baby I'm here to tell you I am tired of changing who I am to fit who you are. You-- you constantly change and I am tired of the changes because baby it's driving me crazy I can't keep up.And frankly I don't want to I love who I am and no matter what you want me to be I'm satisfied.I am all I want to be. Your changes started to make me doubt who I am until I realized it wasn't me it was you it was you always you. Always confused, confusing made me question who I was I got tired of controlling myself to fit in your box. And once I realize that I'm bigger than that got damn box that's when I started to love myself.I am not your piece of dough that you can just stretch, and pull and break and toss and roll and smash and demolish.
I am beautiful, and I am complex and I deserve the room to grow and thrive and prosper, but I can't do that with you.And I finally have the strength to say goodbye I separated myself from your ever, ever changing existence.

27 Seconds

A 27 second dream deferred
Starts out in the mind
Detoured from reality
Killed by the dream killer
Never brought to life to be
Exposed to the world
The idea killed by its own creator
Before anyone knew
fear, self esteem, pride and hope
All knew before hand
This 27 second dream
could have been the thought that saved someones life
Who knows
It could have been the cure to cancer
The answer to end poverty
The solution to end pollution
The power to save the financial crisis
real answers to real problems
27 seconds has changed my life and can change yours too
27 seconds tick tock going away
This 27 second dream could have been yours or mine
25,26,27 
27 seconds tick tick going away

Miraculis

Miraculis

Appreciating the difference between progress and failure

Always striving forward to complete a goal

Habens realistica visum de intinere venturo (having a realistic view of the journey ahead)

Having confidence that radiates the room

Embracing every possibility by discovering your passion

Nescis vires esse trahens intra (drawing strength from within that you didn’t know you had)

Standing for what you believe in even if it means standing alone

Finding yourself and keeping firm faith

Credentes in miraculis  (believing in miracles)

Credentes in teipso (believing in yourself)

Book Release!!!!

I am pleased to announce that my book A Ray of Hope was officially released yesterday!!! I  will have my website up and running next week hopefully. The book can be purchased through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Archway Publishing or through me. I will be updating periodically with tour dates, interviews and book signings! Thank you for your support.

Great Gatsby- English Paper

 Wealth, Women and Power: Winning in The Great Gatsby

Winning is often associated with sports competition and political races, winning a reward or prize that leads to some sense of self-fulfillment in the end. Not only does self- fulfillment and winning apply in sports and/or politics it applies but also in the game of life. Those who are competitive in the game of life, like athletes are driven to win, some want to win at any cost. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is focused on New York’s wealthy society in the heart of Long Island, set in the roaring 1920’s, a period known as the “Jazz Age”. The “Jazz Age” was a period of power, wealth and youthful high spirits, occurring before the Great Depression and centered around the love of music—jazz music.  During the “Jazz Age”, people were obsessed with making and spending money; this period was filled with corruption, lust, promiscuity and lavish parties. Socially, there were many winners and losers. A winner is someone who leaves a situation with what can be conceived as a better outcome than others. Further, winning can be associated with obtaining results that are in a persons own best interest. Likewise a win-win is in the interest of both self and some other(s). Winners are often considered moral, upstanding people, people like  winners. Yet winners can also be morally bankrupt and corrupt people with harmful intentions, often achieving their victories or sense of fulfillment at the expense of others. 

In The Great Gatsby, Tom Buchanan, can be considered a winner, because he only seeks what is in his own best interest, withdrawing back into his sheltered lifestyle with no consequences, never losing or placing at risk anything that cannot be replaced. Throughout the novel, Tom Buchanan is viewed as a symbol of power because of his aggressive and combative nature. Fitzgerald describes him as having “[t]wo arrogant eyes [that] [establish] dominance over [Tom’s] face and [gives] [Tom] the appearance of always leaning aggressively forward” (Fitzgerald 7). Tom upholds an absolute conviction founded on the belief, because he was born into wealth, he is entitled to having a certain kind of lifestyle and to this point he is portrayed as arrogant. Tom exudes a shallow and superficial demeanor that others cling to because he portrays himself to be powerful. While at lunch with Nick Carraway, Tom mentions a book that he has read called ‘The Rise of Colored Empires’ where he has adopted several scientific opinions that reveal his narrow minded mentality.  Both Tom’s arrogance and dominant overbearing opinions have allowed him to advance farther in life than many others. While conversing with Nick Carraway, Jordan Baker and Daisy Buchanan, Tom states, “[i]t’s up to us, who are the dominant race, to watch out or these races will have control of things” (Fitzgerald 13). Tom supports his position by stating, “[i]t’s all scientific stuff, it’s been proved” (Fitzgerald 13).

Tom’s concern that Whites remain the more dominant race and should fight to block any person who does not have the same ethnicity as him, demonstrates both his racism and his self-centeredness. Writing about Tom’s character, Richard D. Lehan in “Civilizations Going to Pieces: Tom Buchanan” states, “Tom takes great pride in modern science and progress, can never understand the state of mind that this kind of mentality has replaced, is scornful of the distant past, and cancels all other cultures in the name of Nordic superiority” (Lehan “Civilizations” 1). As he lacks exposure to other cultures outside of his own, Tom takes these ideas straight out of the book without any opinions of his own. Tom often makes up for his lack of knowledge or invalid opinions through how he displays himself to others. In a matter-of-fact tone, Lehan argues “[Tom] is not only a man of powerful build and commanding presence, but he exudes a kind of authority as he ushers people about as well forcing moral pronouncements upon them”; through Tom’s combative nature he is able to reap any result he desires out of life.

Tom, who is often  referred to as the adolescent and only known for his athletic ability and his family’s wealth, is often persuasive and taken seriously as man of power by his circle of piers. Richard Lehan in  “Careless Driving: Nick Carraway” points out, “Tom whose vast fortunes feeds into a sense of power that allows him to use people like things for his own well-being” (Lehan “Careless” 2). In short, Tom is a predator, preying on those who are insecure and want to fit in. Tom develops a relationship with Myrtle Wilson his mistress. Tom’s desire to dominate someone else is what gives him confidence and a false sense of winning or self-fulfillment. Like Tom, Myrtle also lacks confidence and is very insecure only finding Tom appealing for what he can provide her with (i.e. money, improving her status, validation). They are both married and unhappy in their respective marriages because there is a lack of fulfillment that they seek. While staying in Myrtle’s New York apartment, that Tom bought, they quarreled about whether Myrtle had the right to speak Daisy’s name in front of Tom. Tom’s combative nature and short temper over took him and “[m]aking a short deft movement, Tom Buchanan broke [Myrtle’s] nose with his open hand” (Fitzgerald 37). When Tom wants to win or get his way in life, he will often resort to any measure including aggression and violence. His instincts to do so have allowed him to propel forward in life as a winner because others are often intimidated by his dominating behavior. In short, Tom is a bully.

Like most married men that commit adultery, Tom finds himself forced to choose between his wife and his mistress. On this subject, Lehan writes, “[w]hen [Tom] finds himself on the verge of losing both his wife and mistress, he becomes panicky, but the situation proves to be one that he can manage” (Lehan “Civilizations” 1). Even though Tom finds himself in a wedge and forced to make a decision, he prevails and gets through a tough challenge to keep his lifestyle intact. Although Tom’s authority is challenged, his manipulative ways allow him to still be successful in making decisions that benefit himself.  In desperation to win his wife’s heart, Tom informs Daisy of all the corruption Jay Gatsby is involved in, and how he makes his money, this shows his replenishable instinct to win. Tom knows the weakness of his opponents and is able to use that to his advantage to win. In many ways, Gatsby and Tom are similar in that “[b]oth caricature Fitzgerald’s own experience- his own sense of combat: the dreamer in conflict with a rigid reality; the promises of youth in conflict with the ravages of time; and the man of suspect means in conflict the established wealth” (Lehan “Careless People” 6).

Tom is magnified as the symbol of power through his strategic and manipulative ways. To this point James E. Miller, Jr. in “Fitzgerald’s Gatsby: The World As Ash Heap” describes Tom as “the most sinister character in The Great Gatsby, as [Tom] seems to typify the American business man (man of power) who remains perpetually adolescent intellectually” (Miller 1). In a contemptuous tone Miller explains that Tom is viewed as a power symbol because of his sinister transparent personality. Miller goes on to portray Tom as a sheltered man protected from the realism of the world because “[t]here is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind” (Fitzgerald 125). Although Tom is, wealthy he lacks knowledge and wisdom because he lacks real world exposure.

In comparison to other characters in the novel, Tom as a result of his drive to win and lack of moral standards, reaps more out of life—often without consequences,. Towards the end of the novel, Nick Carraway talks about how “[t]hey were careless people, Tom and Daisy-they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they made” (Fitzgerald 179). On this point, Lehan writes “Gatsby, Myrtle, and George all die as sacrificial victims so that the Buchanan’s way of life can go on, their sense of superiority can be sustained, and their arrogance can remain inviolate” (Lehan “Careless” People 7) Tom nor Daisy lost anything that could not be replaced as a result of their reckless behavior. And The Buchanan’s felt no moral or social obligation to pay their respects; instead they both abruptly left without a trace. Tom’s dominant and aggressive behavior has strongly impacted the way Daisy thinks. Making Daisy dependent on Tom as a result of Tom’s overpowering influence.

Tom demonstrates that all winners are not always ethically or morally centered; they do not always play fair or treat others with respect. Despite the tough challenges of life, Tom has a goal and he acts on fulfilling that purpose no matter the cost. Tom Buchanan is both careless and reckless, demonstrating a consistent lack of respect for others. His aggressive, malicious and combative nature makes him a competitive guy and ultimately the winner in the end. Tom does not lose anyone or anything that cannot be replaced, and despite all the damage he has done he is able to withdraw back into his sheltered lifestyle without any consequences. Tom Buchanan is the winner for he was able to get the most fulfillment out of life with the least amount of pain. We learn that through Tom Buchanan’s interactions with others he is deceiving and out for his own self-betterment, equipping him as the winner because he is selfish.

Works Cited

Fitzgerald, F.Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Scribner, 2004. Print.

Lehan, Richard Daniel. “Careless Driving: Nick Carraway.” The Great Gatsby: The Limits of

             Wonder. Boston: Twayne Publishers,1990. 98-110. Twayne’s Masterwork Studies 36.

             Twayne’s Authors on GVRL. Web. 30 Jan. 2014.

---. “Careless People: Daisy Fay.” The Great Gatsby: The Limits of Wonder.

            Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1990. 67-79. Twayne’s Masterwork Studies 36. Twayne’s

             Authors on GVRL. Web. 27 Jan.2014.

---. “Civilization’s Going to Pieces: Tom Buchanan.” The Great Gatsby: The   Limits of Wonder. Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1990. 80-90. Twayne’s Masterwork Studies 36. Twayne’s Authors on GVRL. Web. 27 Jan. 2014.

Miller, James E., Jr. “Fitzgerald’s Gatsby: The World As Ash Heap.” EXPLORING Novels.

             Detroit: Gale, 2003. Student Resources in Context. Web. 28 Jan. 2014.

Ode to Leaders- with latin translation

Ode to Leaders

Throughout the course of time

Living every moment of your life bold,

surrounded by grief and pain

on all sides. Rejecting darkness and

being a source of light.

For people who sing their own song

and march to the beat of their own drum

have truly embraced what it is to be unique

Thus being safe in this fervid world

Carmen Dux

Per cursum temporis

Vivere omni tempore vestrae vitae

Cum audāciā, circumventa angore doloreque

Undique spernere obscūrum atque

esse fons lūcis

nam populous qui carmen suum cantat

et incēdit pro nūmero tympani sui

vero amplexus est quod est singularis

ita habens salute in hoc insano mundo

Will - with Latin Translation

Will

I have captivated my fear

Set free from the pain of my past

Through hope for a better future

I will no longer hand over my life to anyone

I have untied myself from the bondages of fear

Looking with confidence up ahead

This is an ode to myself 

For I have decided to defeat

The enemy of fear

Testāmentum

Ego capiō meum metum

Liberata ā dolore, praeteritorum meorum

Per spem ad melius futurum

Ego non iam mandabit meam vitam quiquam

Ego solvī me a vinculis metus

Spectans cum confidential prorsus

Hoc est Carmen mihi

Nam ego constitui superare

Hostem metus

Virtuous Women

Virtuous Women

The immensely torturing agony

Rising up on the inside

How to piece the picture together

To convey the correct message

That has delayed the reality before me

As if God and I had miscommunicated along the way

Now the joy was lost…

Better yet it died from the sarcastic

But penetrating thought of failure

As if my once unique life now becomes

This mediocre stereotypical cliché

Somewhere along the way in the pasture of forgiveness

Grace found me revived, reconnected and reconstructed me

And put me back together again

With the creator, God almighty

God and I have a deeper connection

To get the pleasure

I had to go through the pain

To now have a life

Of a Virtuous Women

My Reflection of my time at Spelman College

This past summer I was at Spelman College for the Early College Program in order to gain college credit in English and Biology. During my experience at Spelman while I grew academically, I also grew socially. I learned to be more optimistic and I became more willing to learn from others. Spelman taught me sisterhood and friendship and as a result I became comfortable with who I was.  Each young lady that I was with over the summer, all had a similar background to me, coming from a PWI (predominantly white institution) and had very few black friends who were equally serious about education. We all had a story to tell about our lives and through our RA’s we became more optimistic people. I was pushed outside of my comfort zone, being away from home, far away from my parents and the comfort of familiarity, helped me develop the assurance and confidence to know that I could live on my own. I appreciated my parents for all that they taught me about learning to get along with others, making sure I had good study habits, and learning how to budget and manage my finances. These were all things that some of my fellow sisters did not know when they came to Spelman.

We went on different excursions over the summer and some of our transportation was through the Marta Transportation System. As a girl who has lived in the south my entire life, Atlanta was the first place that I truly learned my way around the city, and was comfortable with public transportation. This taught me how to walk with confidence, so that I can keep myself safe and to be aware of my surroundings at all times.  All of my RA’s at Spelman taught me that it is possible to be an educated African American woman in this world and get respect. There were nights when a lot of my sisters would come to my dorm room and we would sit down and talk about life playing Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott and Beyoncé in the background.  Our RA’s would come and help us with our hair and they would talk about their college experiences and the time would become like a big sister to little sister experience. Spelman was a nurturing environment and was the most perfect time for me to go and learn about myself. I truly found who I was and my place in this world. The sisterhood experience at Spelman helped me love the person that I am today. 

My Blog

I have started this blog for several different reasons. To build an audience of readers, to discuss different topics that have always been issues in my generation, to blog about different characters in my novel and for me to post free verse and poetry. I found blogging as an opportunity to share my experience, my thoughts in a free open manner. Blogging truly is an easy way of expressing my views and thoughts about things that have been on my mind without having to answer to others. I now look at everything in life more optimistically— always finding the positive in everything. I found when I did that my life was happier and I enjoyed studying, cleaning and cooking other things that I did not enjoy doing. With that being said, I will be posting weekly as well as giving updates periodically with the release date of my book and places I will be hosting book signings! Writing is an art that takes love anyone can write however, people who do it because they love it are the greatest writers.

Ebony Jamila Aiken